Hey Upper Eastsiders—oops! I meant Lexingtonians—it’s Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Lexington High School’s elite—where SAT scores are high, and the drama is even higher.
Spotted: A lonely GG-lite, thirsty for cafeteria cookies, tears, air conditioning, and drama. Don’t worry everyone, I’m back and taking over The Musket with some hot tea to spill on the students at Lexington High. Let’s just say that journalism is going to change around here. Op-eds on whether we have too many clubs? Yawn. Features on AP Biology? Snooze. Now, we’re bringing you the news that you really care about: the scandal, the lore, and, of course, the gossip.
And I have the biggest news ever…
One of my many Musketeers May0_Blender19, sent us this: Spotted in the quad, backpack in hand: Serena Vanderwoodsen. It was only a year ago our It Girl mysteriously disappeared after experiencing a humiliating defeat on her Trig exam. And just as suddenly, she is back, sauntering along the quad, ready to reclaim her It Girl title. Don’t believe me? Luckily for us, May0_Blender19 sent proof.
But it gets better. My sources confirm that Blair Waldorf—the reigning Queen Bee of LHS—was not thrilled when her former best friend sat down across from her in Commons 2.
“Like, why is she even here? She literally got a D in Honors Precalc, how was she allowed back at Lexington High? Anyways, I really shouldn’t waste my cognitive bandwidth on her academic shortcomings, especially with my Multivariable Calculus test coming up. I’m not worried, though. She will never be able to overthrow the queen, ” Waldorf said. Love to see the confidence, B.
As college application season approaches, the pressure to stand out from her ex-BFF grows fiercer as Queen Bee carefully curates her resume.
“Serena wants to go to Brown?! That’s not even a real ivy-league. Everyone knows that the only real ivies are the Holy Trinity: Harvard, Yale, and Princeton,” Waldorf said.
Waldorf hopes to shine as a strong applicant to Yale. On top of being an excellent student, she is class president, president of Model UN, and a part of NHS.
To stir the pot even more, another of my favorite Musketeers, Johnny_Beans9, sent us this: Spotted leaving the IDLC, our Golden Boy Nate Archibald looks tense upon seeing our It Girl’s return. It is no secret that Nate has always harbored feelings for Serena, even while being our Queen Bee’s lab partner. Some say that they have been seen together behind the Science Building, creating some explosive chemistry.
“I… I don’t know what to say.” Archibald said.
Looks like upon our It Girl’s return to Lexington High, she has not only sent half the school in a coma but attracted some unwanted attention, especially from some particular men.
We just received an anonymous tip. Picture this: wallflower Dan Humphrey reads Hamlet, alone in the back of his Brit Lit class while secretly pining for his love, Serena. Looks like Lonely Boy is ready to come out from the shadows and become a main character. Has Hamlet finally found his Ophelia? That is the question…
While a majority of our students at Lexington High study religiously like Lonely Boy, some love to play with trouble. There is no other like Chuck Bass, Lexington’s notorious bad boy, who spends most of his high school career skipping class. As Serena walks past Chuck, she wraps up her text to Dan, who is desperately vying for her attention.
“Humphrey is nowhere near me, I don’t even know why everybody is talking about him. I don’t even know why you are talking to me, period. I’m Chuck Bass,” Bass said.
Alas, we messed with the wrong bad boy. Chuck got upset for being “interrogated” and decided to skip AP Psychology to run back home and complain to his father Bart Bass. We’ll find another newspaper to take over if needed.
Unfortunately for us, we will never know what Lonely Boy has to say to his enemy Chuck Bass. He happens to be a staff writer on The Musket and refuses to comment saying it’s a so-called “conflict-of-interest.” Wow, talk about journalistic integrity.
Back to our It Girl, who seems to be struggling to get through the sandwich line in Commons 1, Serena’s already in the trenches.
“Look, I really don’t wanna be a part of any drama this year *it might be a little too late for that, Serena*. Last year, I paid so much attention to stealing my best friend’s lab partner that I never focused on myself. In high school you need to have fun—and by the way, ‘lipstick lasts longer, but gloss is more fun’—But I really just want to hit the books and lock in for the SAT. Anyways, I gotta go,” Vanderwoodsen said.
Meanwhile, spotted: Lonely Boy standing under the tree outside the Math Building, mustering up the courage to ask our It Girl to study with him for their upcoming APUSH test at Coco. Watch your back, Humphrey, hampering with Lexington High’s elite can lead to a World War III.
Covert deals, power plays, indecencies? Lexington High School is no stranger to scandal. That’s one thing that’ll never change.
Who am I? That’s one secret I’ll never tell *in this case you unfortunately do since you see who wrote the article*.
You know you love me,
XOXO, Gossip Girl
