Academic dishonesty, especially involving the use of AI, has recently sparked wide controversy within the Lexington High School community. But is “cheating” really so bad? The intellectual strain it takes to evade the teacher’s constant surveillance hones creativity skills and builds resilience in the face of high-stress environments. What’s more, it properly sets students up for the real world, filled with adults that lie, cheat, and swindle at every opportunity in the workplace. Since such strategies are usually acquired with work experience, LHS’s young minds have been sorely lacking in achievements in the highest caliber of deceit. Without further ado, here are some of our most ingenious methods to help you get through your toughest classes.
Method 1: Tape your study sheets to the ceiling before class starts. All you’ll need is a meter stick and a loyal friend to stand guard. Don’t worry — most teachers have carpal tunnel and neck pain from working all day, so they won’t even think about looking up. Gulliver Blé, a senior at LHS, confirmed the viability of the method only a few days before his AP Economics exam.
“I made sure the sheet of paper was visible without having to tilt my head back too much, and my teacher didn’t know any better. She was too busy looking down at people’s papers or just surveying the tops of our dividers,” Blé said.
For bonus points, pull the paper off while the teacher is in the room and brag about your success to others, all without ever getting caught or tattled on!
Method 2: Blow bubble gum in Morse code. Pencil taps and head scratches are trends of the past century, ones that teachers themselves grew up with. But who would think to suspect bubblegum chewing noises, a staple of LHS test-taking environments? Coordinate with a friend to learn Morse code (it should only take a few days), and get a pack of gum. Each chew communicates a dot, while dashes are expressed through blowing bubbles. Jaw pain is a common complaint, but who doesn’t want a sharp jawline? No more mewing needed!
Method 3: Be a tech genius. Hook up your calculator to a multimeter hidden in your pocket. Connect the multimeter through a long wire in the ground to a 30 ft radio receiver (scrapyards have plenty) that you’ve placed in the Quad. A few minutes before the test, perform a teardown and find a Starlink satellite to track for the duration of the test. Hack into the satellite’s mainframe and reprogram the RAM of the satellite with ChatGPT after you socially engineer Elon Musk’s password out of his X account (be sure to download extra RAM as necessary). Finally, take the other Starlink antenna, point it at the DirectTV antenna on your house, and connect it to your computer. For more information, visit starlink-cheater.vercel.app or bit.ly/starlink-cheater.
Method 4: Use the legal system to your benefit. Hire a mailman to rush in during your test with a confidential letter containing all the formulas and the answers from a friend who took the test the class before — make sure it’s marked “URGENT” across the front. After attaining your letter, leave it on your desk slightly open, and if your teacher demands to inspect it, kindly let them know that they are asking to engage in illegal activities.
“I told my teacher that tampering with mail is a federal offense according to Chapter 83 of the Postal Service of the U.S. Code and could result in up to $250,000 in fines. He didn’t look too happy, but he didn’t say anything about it after that,” Naiva Etee, a sophomore taking AP Biology, said.
As graduating seniors, we’re ready to pass on these fool-proof methods that we’ve meticulously developed through trial and error over the years. We hope to support students seeking to explore the limits of their imagination and striving to go beyond what’s asked of them.
“Frankly, I’m disappointed by the lack of creativity in some of my classmates, like when I see them writing notes on their arms. They should try to live up to the LHS spirit of critical thinking that’s expected of them,” Blé said.
