Among Lexington High School’s large student body, a new rising star has emerged: Grenacious Dunkin, a six foot seven 5-year-old freshman better known as Gre. D.
As the so-called “dictator” of the LHS Student Body, Gre. D. is president of every school club, and more importantly, has the coveted 5.0 unweighted GPA, 1700 SAT, and 36.69 ACT.
“People are always saying there is too much competition at LHS. The comparisons of GPA, SAT scores, and all those extracurriculars. Forget about those people now—I just eliminated all the competition,” Gre D. said.
Along with his impeccable academic record, he is the captain of every Varsity, JV, and Freshman sport. He has also won gold at numerous international olympiads.
“I went to IMO (math) for fun. It was too easy, so I also went to IOI (informatics), but I had to leave before the medal ceremony to catch the IChO (chemistry). Those were all light work. I had to compete in the Summer Olympics to feel some pressure,” Gre. D. said.
As an active member of the LHS community, Gre D expressed how grateful he was for the opportunity to lead each club. However, when asked about his leadership positions in both the Vegan and Meat Lover clubs, his response was quite tentative.
“Sometimes I wake up feeling like I need some Arby’s. Other days, I just feel like eating vegetables. I don’t see anything wrong with being a part of both clubs,” Gre. D. said.
Gre. D. is also a champion of social causes. When he was younger, his beloved neighbor Don Key was sentenced to 420 years in prison. Gre. D. adamantly believed that this sentence was unjust.
“I have been fighting this conviction ever since the beginning. Free Key!” Gre. D. said.
Though he is a special student, Gre. D. is like all of us: his lack of sleep forces him to rely on heavy doses of caffeine to stay awake.
“I usually sleep around five am. On a good day, I will sleep at three and wake up at seven. Usually, I chug three liters of Red Bull each morning before school,” Gre. D. said.
However, behind his success, there are a lot of haters. Some of Gre. D.’s behaviors have been called into question.
“He tries to give off main character vibes like he is the goat or something, he is not even the fart ‘grahh’,” Eric Shen, a freshman and self-proclaimed superfan of Ice Spice, said.
These haters are not a small minority. Many of them believe that Gre. D. is taking away opportunities from those who are actually passionate about what they do.
“Gre. D. should not be the President of Philanthropy. I should be. He is ruining my chances of getting into Harvard. Uncle Roger will bring out the pink slipper,” MrBeast, a junior, said.
Others at LHS are indifferent to Gre. D.’s success.
“I don’t really care. I’m just focused on trying to be my best self, but I really do feel bad for his siblings,” Hole Sum, a senior, said.
Despite varying opinions about him, Gre. D.’s future remains bright. He looks forward to becoming the first five-year-old to attend college.
“Elon Musk should be watching his back. Conquering LHS was my first minor achievement; a world dictator is what I truly hope to become,” Gre. D. said.
