Lexington High School is a famed one, known for its excellence in academics, specialization in STEM, and now, the overwhelming number of students whose first names are “Sophia.”
“It’s a real problem! I can’t even tell any of these Sophias apart anymore. I suppose it’s to be expected, seeing that Sophia is the fifth most popular girl name in the United States, but their parents should have tried a little harder,” Jane Doe, a junior at LHS, said.
With the number of Sophias at LHS, there are a lot of different mix ups that can happen, which can be embarrassing and rude for them.
“There are too many Sophias. Someone’s got to change their name. My teachers keep calling me Sophie or purposely misspelling my name as ‘Sofia’ just so that they don’t mix me up with Sophia Number Two. That’s just plain disrespectful!” Sophia Number One, a freshman at LHS, said.
The number of Sophias in the school makes things confusing for everyone else, too.
“I have not one, not two, not three, but a total of five students named Sophia in my History class. Whenever I call on one of them, they all whip their heads around like a pack of cats that have spotted catnip. It’s pretty unsettling,” a history teacher who wished to remain anonymous, said.
To resolve the crisis, a group of Sophias recently gathered in Commons II to decide who would be allowed to keep the name. However, the event quickly descended into chaos.
“The first problem was roll call,” Sophia Conflicted, a junior, said. “The moderator called out ‘Sophia?’ and we all answered ‘Here!’ at the same time. It was a logistical nightmare.”
To make things worse, several rogue Sophias, now banding together as the “True Sophias,” attempted to take matters into their own hands.
“They demanded that the rest of us change our names to ‘Stephanie’ or ‘Sonia’ instead,” Sophia Outraged, a freshman, said. “One girl even suggested ‘Bartholomew.’ I mean, seriously? Bartholomew?”
Despite the drawbacks, many Sophias adapted and have even tried to capitalize on the situation.
“I ran for student council under the slogan Vote for Sophia,” Sophia Strategist, a senior, said. “I didn’t even have to campaign. Half the school thought they were voting for themselves or their friends.”
Embracing their collective power, there is now talk of a new “Sophia Union,” where students named Sophia will negotiate for exclusive privileges, including front-of-the-line lunch passes and a VIP lounge.
There are still many who complain about having the same name as many others at the school. However, some have adopted a more optimistic outlook.
“Hey, it could be worse. At least your name isn’t Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, or Tragedeigh, or a jumble of random symbols like X Æ A-Xii,” Strategist said.