The Walt Disney Company has announced that they are working on a brand new film remake, or more specifically, the remake of a remake of a Disney classic. 

“We want to bring our cinematic masterpieces one step further into the 21st century,” a high-ranking Disney executive said. “It’s important to us to modernize our content so the next generation of kids can relate to it.” The film’s cast is composed of popular TikTok creators and the dialogue is in slang.

With the budget reportedly being through the roof—due to autotune expenses—producers decided to save money by not hiring a screenwriter and instead recycling the script from the original remake. Any storyline changes were voted on by the movie’s investors during the tail end of a finance meeting. Four new major characters will be featured, as well as a couple of deletions that were deemed “not historically accurate”.

Like previous remakes, the film will include new music. “We’re very excited about the new songs in the film—eleven, to be exact,” Vlad Inn, the director, said. 

Initially, there were concerns about fitting all the new music into the runtime. However, the editors have just about managed by playing the added songs over multiple montages, drawn-out action sequences, and of course, the credits. Their efforts seem to have paid off: insiders reveal that all Oscar nominations in the category of Best Original Song are already taken up by the film and the winner is most likely “A Whole New Woke”. 

As anticipated, this film is only the first in a long line of “new” remakes, all of them coming exclusively to Disney+.