A new math elective has been added to Lexington High School’s curriculum: Girl Math. As described in the LHS 2026-2027 Program of Studies, the course will provide students with the opportunity to “grasp a complicated system of logic which allows students to become happier with their financial status.”
The LHS math department believes that this elective teaches essential real-world skills, as its structure reads more like a TikTok “For You” page in syllabus form. The first three units guide students through the foundational calculations, such as determining when a purchase becomes “basically free,” finding the exact discount percentage at which buying something is actually saving money, and applying the universally accepted principle that “anything bought with a gift card does not actually count as spending.”
The remaining seven units tackle more advanced concepts, including the mental math required to justify a $14 Erewhon smoothie, and the algorithmic process for deciding that returning an item after 48 hours is emotionally impossible since it has already been introduced to the other piles of impulse-bought clothes, and has therefore become “part of your identity”.
The math department suggests that Girl Math may actually be more rigorous than AP Calculus BC. While BC students spend their year wrestling through integrals and derivatives, Girl Math students are expected to master far more complex variables, including the emotional value of a purchase and the start-to-end exchange rates between “treating yourself” and “financial responsibility.”
Students enrolled in Girl Math must perform multi-step justifications at speeds in comparison to the rate of likes at which a TikTok influencer receives after posting a haul video. Additionally, rumors circulating the school claim that the course’s problem sets may require much more stamina than the combined nightly workload of AP Chemistry, AP Physics C, and AP Biology.
Not only is the workload demanding, but Professor Sigma Pi, one of the aspiring Girl Math teachers, says that grading is “lowkey hit or miss,” and that students either receive a 0 or 100 for their work. “In real life,” Pi stated, “Girl Math is only going to be beneficial if you know how to do it well.”
He continued that only through practice can one’s girl math improve and become instinctive. Despite the rigid grading of Girl Math, and the possibility of seeing a zero on a two-hundred-point assignment on Aspen, Pi still advises students to take the course.
“Recently, I accidentally purchased a four-hundred-dollar pink Retro Hello Kitty 6+1-Can Mini Portable Fridge with a Top-Mounted Active-Thermoelectric Cooler,” Pi said. Instead of immediately returning it, Pi said he swiftly performed some intense calculations involving variables such as mental strain and driving hassles to decide how much it would actually cost him to return the fridge. In the end, he reasoned that the fridge was “basically free” by not returning it.
“Girl Math is all about balance and finding the most favorable outcome, and once you realize that, the course becomes easier to learn,” Pi said.
He wants students to “understand it now” and view Girl Math as an introduction to future topics of even greater complexity.
While the Girl Math elective is officially offered to juniors and seniors, interested sophomores can also take the course.. Due to the emotional risks that come with the class, students have to sign a ten-page pledge acknowledging the demands of the course requirements. So, for any person who is reading this and would like to take Girl Math, just remember: the only real requirement is that in this course, numbers matter far less than vibes.